The Hard Lessons I Learned About Real Self-Care (It's Not Just About the Gym)

I'm going to be honest with you here. This post isn't me standing on a soapbox telling you how to live your life. This is me sharing the mistakes I've made, sometimes over and over again, and the lessons that took me way too long to learn.

When you work in fitness, it's easy to think you've got self-care nailed. You train regularly. You eat well (most of the time). You help other people get healthier every single day. So you must have it all figured out, right?

Wrong. So wrong.

Because here's the thing I've realised: real self-care isn't just about what happens in the gym or what's on your plate. It's so much bigger than that. And for years, I missed the bigger picture completely.

The Workaholic Trap (Hello, My Name Is Mike)

Let me paint you a picture. A few years back, I was grinding. Early mornings, late evenings, weekends, you name it, I was working through it. I told myself it was because I was building something. I was passionate. I was dedicated.

And yeah, all of that was true. But I was also exhausted, stressed, and running on empty most of the time.

The mad thing? I didn't even see it as a problem. I wore the busyness like a badge of honour. "Sorry, can't make it, working." "Maybe next time, got a session." Sound familiar?

Here's what I've learned: work-life balance isn't about being lazy or not caring about what you do. It's about recognising that you can't pour from an empty cup. You can't give your best to your clients, your business, or yourself if you're running on fumes.

Taking time away from work isn't a weakness. It's maintenance. Just like you wouldn't skip servicing your car and expect it to run forever, you can't skip looking after yourself and expect to keep performing at your best.

Letting Friendships and Family Slide

This one stings a bit to admit.

When you're caught up in the grind, relationships are often the first thing to slip. Not intentionally, you don't wake up and decide to neglect the people you care about. It just sort of... happens. You cancel plans because you're tired. You miss family stuff because you've got "too much on." You promise to catch up with mates and then weeks turn into months.

I've been guilty of all of it.

And here's what I wish I'd understood sooner: those relationships? They're not a distraction from your goals. They ARE part of your wellbeing. Humans aren't designed to do life alone. We need connection. We need people who know us, support us, make us laugh, and call us out when we're being idiots.

The research backs this up too, social wellness is one of the key dimensions of overall wellbeing. It's not fluffy nonsense. It's essential.

So now? I protect that time. A coffee with a mate isn't "wasted time." Sunday lunch with family isn't something to squeeze in if I can. These things matter just as much as hitting the gym, maybe more.

Forgetting How to Have Fun (Yes, Really)

Okay, this might sound ridiculous coming from someone whose job involves movement and activity, but I genuinely forgot how to have fun for a while.

Everything became about productivity. Every workout had to have a purpose. Every activity needed to serve a goal. Rest days felt like failures. Doing something purely for enjoyment? What's the point if it doesn't contribute to progress?

😅 Yeah, I know. Writing it out makes me cringe too.

But that mindset creeps in so easily when you're goal-focused. You start measuring everything. And suddenly, life becomes this endless checklist where nothing is ever quite enough.

The truth is, doing things just because they're fun, with no agenda, no outcome, no progress to track, is incredibly important. It's not childish or unproductive. It's restorative. It reminds you that you're a human being, not a human doing.

These days, I try to do things purely for the joy of it. A walk with no step target. Playing a game. Watching something daft on TV without feeling guilty about "wasting time." It's taken practice, but it makes a massive difference.

Chasing Goals Without Enjoying the Ride

Here's a pattern I fell into for years: set a goal, chase it relentlessly, achieve it, feel good for about five minutes, then immediately set the next goal.

Sound familiar?

Don't get me wrong, goals are great. They give us direction and motivation. But when your entire sense of satisfaction depends on reaching the next milestone, you end up spending most of your life in this weird state of "not there yet."

You miss so much along the way. The small wins. The daily improvements. The fact that you showed up even when you didn't feel like it. All of that gets overshadowed by the finish line you haven't crossed yet.

I've had to consciously shift my thinking on this. Instead of only celebrating the destination, I try to notice the journey. How far have I come? What did I learn today? What went well, even if it wasn't perfect?

It sounds cheesy, but enjoying the ride genuinely changes everything. You stop feeling like you're constantly failing and start recognising that you're actually doing pretty well, right now, not just when you hit some arbitrary target.

Finding Joy in the Small Stuff

This ties into everything I've mentioned, but it deserves its own moment.

When you're always focused on the big picture, the business goals, the fitness targets, the life milestones, it's easy to overlook the little things that actually make life enjoyable day-to-day.

A good cup of coffee in the morning. A conversation that makes you properly laugh. The sun coming out when you weren't expecting it. Your dog being ridiculous. A song you forgot you loved coming on shuffle.

These tiny moments? They're not just filler between the important stuff. They ARE the stuff. Life is mostly made up of ordinary days, and if you can't find joy in those, you're going to spend a lot of time waiting to be happy.

I'm still working on this one, honestly. It takes practice to slow down and actually notice what's in front of you instead of always looking ahead. But when I manage it, everything feels a bit lighter.

So What Does Real Self-Care Actually Look Like?

Here's what I've come to understand: real self-care is holistic. It's not one thing, it's everything working together.

Yes, it includes training and eating well. But it also includes:

• Protecting your time so work doesn't consume everything

• Prioritising relationships with people who matter to you

• Doing things purely for fun without needing to justify them

• Appreciating the journey instead of only chasing outcomes

• Finding joy in ordinary moments rather than waiting for big ones

It's about treating yourself with kindness, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. It's recognising that you're a whole person, not just a body that needs to be optimised.

I won't pretend I've got this all figured out now. I still slip into old patterns. I still catch myself overworking or skipping the fun stuff or forgetting to appreciate what's right in front of me.

But awareness is the first step, right? And sharing this with you is partly my way of holding myself accountable too.

Your Turn

If any of this resonates with you, if you've been treating self-care as just another item on the to-do list, or if you've been so focused on goals that you forgot to enjoy the process, maybe take a moment to check in with yourself.

What areas of your life have been getting neglected? What brings you joy that you haven't made time for? Who haven't you caught up with in ages?

You don't need to overhaul everything overnight. Just start noticing. Start making small shifts. That's how real change happens.

And if you ever want to chat about any of this, whether it's training, mindset, or just life in general, you know where to find me. Drop me a message anytime.

Look after yourselves properly, yeah? The whole you( not just the gym version.) 💪